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Bottlefeeding… A Silent Shame These Days?

Posted in: Breastfeeding,Juice Box Jungle by   |   3 Comments
20
Nov

I am really enjoying the topics that are showing up on JuiceBox Jungle. A few weeks ago it was about how shouting has become the new spanking. This week the new topic is “Ashamed to bottlefeed?” and of course it got me to thinking…

I won’t spoil it for you, I’ll let you click over on the right-hand side of the page to check it out… it’s just a few seconds long, so worth the watch.

It got me thinking though, about how breastfeeding versus bottle feeding. I think a lot of people can agree breast is best…if a mom is able and wants to breastfeed. There is a ton of research out that that backs up all the benefits of breastfeeding, not to mention the economical and environmental benefits, but what about moms who can’t breastfeed or maybe don’t want to? Is our society branding these women with a sorta of scarlet “white” letter?

I know I have been guilty of wondering why a mom isn’t breastfeeding when I see a mom bottlefeeding. Isn’t that a terrible thing to admit? I have never questioned the moms decision in my mind, but sorta felt bad for the baby that they weren’t able to have breastmilk. What’s also weird is that I never think twice about a mom bottlefeeding until I see them mix the formula. I think this is mainly because I know that just because a mom is bottle feeding doesn’t mean she’s not breastfeeding… I know plenty of moms who pump to bottle feed.

I know sometimes moms can’t nurse, babies can’t tolerate the breastmilk, etc…. so it made me wonder why I have ever felt this way. Am I judging? I was bottlefed as a child and I am okay.

After really thinking about this I have come to the conclusion that the reason I even give it a second thought or ever wonder is because of the nursing relationship I had with my daughter. I LOVED breastfeeding!

I know some women do nurse and aren’t every happy, but they do it because they feel it’s what they should do. That wasn’t me… I did it because it was a great experience. I was very happy nursing. I loved that special one on one time I got to spend with my child, the break that nursing allowed me to take during the day, the fact that I saw first hand how breastmilk helped my child in the NICU and how nursing when she got home gave us the opportunity to have a physical closeness that we didn’t get to have right away. In case you are wondering… I nursed for about 15 months & yes I did have some of those issues like a couple of boughts of mastitis, a child who starting biting at about a year, but I loved every minute of it!
I think my questioning is less judgement and more heartbreak for the people who chose not to or cannot breastfeed…they won’t ever get to experience the same bliss that I did by breastfeeding. That makes me more sad than judgemental. I’m not saying that they won’t ever be close to their child or that there not a good parent…. I just know how happy I felt because I breastfed and who wouldn’t want to wish that someone else could have that happiness?
I do think that after taking a long hard look at why I feel this way will make me change a bit. I don’t think I will ever question it in my mind again. What I will do is look at that tiny baby and that mommy that is taking care of her child the best way she can and realize that every child and mom is special and give that mom a knowing nod or smile.

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3 Comments for this entry

  • 3
    Jennifer says:
    November 26, 2009 at 4:33 am

    Hope you didn't feel as though I was suggesting *you* were judging, I was just kind of addressing the topic you brought up as a whole :-) Personally, I know I have been judgmental at times, but sometimes it's been more empathy. I think it's great for people to take a step back and think about not only how they are treating others, but how they are thinking about them too. Kudos to you for doing that!

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours too!

  • 2
    Penny Pinching Parent says:
    November 24, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Hi there Jen! Thank you so much for sharing your story & your thoughts!

    I am just glad to have watched the little clip & sorta make sure that I have "checked" myself… part of that who journey on the road to being a better person daily.

    I think if I have ever given it a second thought in the past it was more out of empathy than judgement.

    I know a lot of moms who have tried to nurse & just couldn't and how much pain and discomfort these women endured. I have also know moms & babies who couldn't produce enough for the baby to thrive or that the baby had a milk allergy…usually they have been to heck and back before they decided to bottle feed, so I think my heart has just gone out to them & will still continue to do so.

    It's like you said parents need to do what's best for their little one and that's what make a happy child and family.

    I never judge because like the old saying goes "never judge until you have walked a mile in someone's shoes."

    Thank you again for sharing & I hope you and your family have a Happy Thanksgiving!

  • 1
    Jennifer says:
    November 24, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    I am one of those moms who couldn't breastfeed. At first it really really bothered me. I was able to do it for a couple of months and really hated to give it up. I'm not sure exactly why it was such an emotional thing, and why I felt like a complete and utter failure because I couldn't do it. Once I saw how happy and healthy my baby became after switching him to formula though, I was happy too. I did not miss breastfeeding or feel like I had a lesser bond with him. He was always held by me or my husband when he had a bottle, they were never a convenience item, and we never propped them. It's not so much what you do, it's how you do it. I think every mom should want the absolute best for her child, and therefore I strongly believe that every mom should at least consider and try breastfeeding. But given what I have been through, I could never judge another mommy who whips out a bottle.

    I think it's important for any mom to restrain herself from judging others. There are so many things that moms can, and do, judge others about: babywearing or not, nutrition, disciplinary methods, education, TV, etc. etc. etc.

    I have definite opinions of my own, and like any human I can be too quick to judge sometimes. I try to remind myself to look at the whole picture. If the child is happy and healthy then obviously mommy is doing something right! Like you said, there are many of us who were raised differently from the way we choose to raise our own kids, yet we turned out fine! My philosophy is that if you cannot make a decision without constantly trying to point out why it is superior to other ways of doing things, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons!